“Everyone knows that if you need to take a dump, you do it before a patrol; not during. Well, sometimes those MRE poopies hit you at the worst time, and if you’ve ever lived off of those ya know that when you gotta go, it’s time to go.

We were patrolling in Sangin Afghanistan and everything was normal. We weren’t in the part of the AO (Area of operations) where we normally got ambushed, so I figured it was okay to ask for a security halt so I could take a dump in a ditch.

I put my machine gun down on the bipod facing toward a low hill, and asked my assistant gunner to hold my hands while I did an air squat in full gear to push that chocolate log out.

No sooner had it been halfway out when we took contact. ‘Snap snap snap snap’ over my head. I thought, ‘F*ck I’m gonna die with my pants down, di*k out, and covered in my own poop.

Without thinking, I pinched it off, stood back up, gained my balance, and then immediately hopped on the gun, which conveniently was facing the direction of the enemy fire and provided decent cover.

So there I was, manning my machine gun, pants around my ankles, d*ck in the dirt, and my assistant gunner at my side. I could only imagine the laughs Terry would have had if they’d killed me and came across my body.

Oh, I also sh*t myself.”
– Anonymous US Marine, 2nd Marine Division. Afghanistan 2011.
This interview was conducted by Battles and Beers (TM) and the Marine requested to stay anonymous (for obvious reasons). We firmly believe that every soldier has a story, and every story deserves to be told.